There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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