I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
