There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
