I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
