Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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