i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just want to make out with him forever
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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