come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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