I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
