I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
