just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
