Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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