i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
