I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
