my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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