There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
