you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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