i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
