so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
accomplished twins. life is a go
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm getting married
To pizza
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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