I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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