I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
