There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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