oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
