i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
