all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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