How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
