The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
