My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
