Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
