I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
