remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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