anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
