He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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