Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
