Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
