had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
