I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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