Are we in a gay sports bar?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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