I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
