I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
