I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
