3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
