note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
