She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
