All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He is an equal opportunity slut.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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