The maid of honor just puked.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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