so that wasnt chicken after all
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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