My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
