Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
