Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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