East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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