Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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