I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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