The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
