She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
