weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
