Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
