he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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