Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
