Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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