I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
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