Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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