Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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