whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Randomize
