Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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