so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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