I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
No subtext here. People are naked.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
