one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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