I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
