went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
