Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
