I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
