i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
